Archive for December, 2009

What Happened?

Posted in Uncategorized on December 30, 2009 by metalaxis

So I haven’t been online ’cause I lost my internet connection. I tried to make a deal with Lydia, some woman who picked up the phone when I called Time Warner. I told her I could design Time Warner’s website if she’d let me keep my cable. She told me she wanted my money more. I told her that’s dumb, ’cause I don’t have any money and mom didn’t send me any cash again for Christmas, so she won’t get any money from me. Anyway, I lost my internet. I ended up getting a holiday job through at Walgreens. I didn’t know they had holiday jobs there, but after a week my boss told me that’s what I had. Jobs should last more than one week. After I pay my rent I’m gonna send Ronnie James Dio a get well card. Get better Ronnie! Rock it in the New Year!

Tiger the Tiger

Posted in Uncategorized on December 9, 2009 by metalaxis

Wow. I hear golf groupies are it now! I’m glad Tiger Woods is changing the way people look at sports groupies. I’m sure they work hard too. Still, he’s got a ways to go before he can make golf into a bad boy sport. That’s the only way he’s gonna get real groupies. Still, I’d never wanna be a sports slave. Athletes always have to be people that not fun people look up to. Like products like Wheaties have to want you. Who wants to brag that they seduced a Wheaties star? Tiger’s gonna have to work hard to change that. The car smashing thing was okay, but you could just like get a hotel room and smash it up with golf clubs or something. It’s also best if you get wasted before you do that. Then stand by a window with your shirt off and like scrub your nose 5 times. If you need, I think my friend Sandy lives nearby. She could actually make a polo shirt look cool. Good luck Tiger. Wow, even his name shows signs of potential.

Tiger Woods as David Lee Roth

Tiger Woods if he was in the right scene.