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No, No, I Didn’t Go To Indio

Posted in Concerts, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 28, 2011 by metalaxis

So it took me a long time to write about it cause I’m still really sad.  I never made it to see the Big 4.  I called a bunch of stations and lost on a lot of KROQ giveaways. I almost used my rent money to go but I have too many posters and CD’s to have on the street.  So instead I got really wasted and high and listened to all of my Metallica, Slayer and Megadeth albums until I passed out.  I’m glad my neighbor doesn’t do his drugs.

Here’s a link to a Spanish Christian radio I called for tickets.  I was desperate!

Awesome Weekend! Part 2 “Ozzfest!”

Posted in Out and About Town, Uncategorized on August 16, 2010 by metalaxis

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I made it to Ozzfest!  I was scared I wasn’t gonna get to go. I tried getting my mom to help me buy tickets but since Scorpions went on their farewell tour I can’t get a hold of her.  Then I heard that not many people wanted to go to the fest so tickets went on sale for $10.  I tried to get Chandra to go, but she says she won’t drive all the way to San Bernadino for some old farts.  I told her that’s a dumb reason to not go.  I then called our old friend Meg.  She has a couple of kids and a husband and lives out in Sherman Oaks.  She almost always says no and tells me all the time that she has responsibilities, but this time she sounded really tired and pissed off and said she’d go.  Only thing was I had to promise to not take any photos of her cause she doesn’t want anyone to know that she went.  (For the record, she looked pretty cool. She kept her sweater on the whole time cause it was cold, but at least her jean shorts were torn and short.) Ever since she married that Jim Hymen guy years ago, she hasn’t really been as much fun.  Especially after he got that job at ABC doing scheduling and stuff.  But I know that if you’ve partied once, you can party again.

I was right. We had the best time!  We couldn’t go out until nighttime though, cause Meg had to put her kids to sleep first.  So we missed Goatwhore and Skeleton Witch and Rob Halford.  I was really sad to miss him.  I got backstage to see him once.  I tried to sleep with him but nothing happened.  I don’t know why. He liked my tights. Anyway, when we were walking up to the show I heard Mötley Crüe.  Meg said it wasn’t them, but I know Shout at the Devil like really well.  I started to run cause I didn’t want to miss my chance to see and better yet, meet them.  My stiletto platforms made it really tough to run on the dirt. Meg kept up with me by walking. The $10 tickets had us really far back on the lawn.  We kept trying to move up but these guys kept setting trash on fire and moshing around it.  I don’t get it. They spent a whole $10 and really missed out on the bands. We then found one way that looked empty but some really big drunk guy came up and yelled, “Don’t you want to see some titties?!” He kept yelling at everyone around us, “Let’s see some titties!” I explained to him that titties only get shown to guys in bands. He looked at me real mean and swayed a bit before Meg grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the back of the lawn. I don’t know why she did that. Guys need to know these things.

By the time we got away The Crüe were done with their set. I was so sad. I was so hoping to get backstage with them. But there was no chance now. Meg made me feel better though. She reminded me that what’s important is that they still rock. Not like Axl Rose. After that, I felt way better. Then Ozzy Osbourne came out. He was so rock! Incredible. And then when he did Crazy Train with this cool 9 year old kid who rocked the guitar. It was like really cool. My mom tells me stories of when Ozzy Osbourne would come over to our place when he was sleeping with her. I guess he used to tell me werewolf stories before I’d go to bed. Mom says he was always really nice, even though he was crazy. I think that’s what makes him cool.

After the show, we hung out in the parking lot for a little bit. Some guys were grilling hot dogs and drinking beer. I had some beers, Meg had some hot dogs. It was a party. Meg drove me home and I fell asleep. What an awesome weekend!

Awesome Weekend! Part 1 “The Comedy Store and Nate”

Posted in Out and About Town, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 16, 2010 by metalaxis

So LACC is doing some construction, so I got to do my class on The Strip!!!! I couldn’t believe it! I found a bus that drops me off right there. I am so gonna go back after I make enough from teaching and have an extra $1.50 for the bus. Good thing is my extension course on “How To Party Correctly” has been a real hit. This week I taught my class how to get the attention of a band so you can get backstage. Pretty simple: Get to the front of the stage, get on a guy’s shoulders and take your top off. Works great. I wanted to do a demonstration since like, a lot of people don’t learn by hearing stuff. So, since I was on The Strip, I just stepped outside and met this guy Nate. He kept saying something about working at the Key Club. I got him a beer and he let me get on his shoulders. He’s not in a band or anything, but he was pretty cool. We talked bands for awhile and took some photos. I was hoping to party after but the bus stops running pretty early and Echo Park is far from The Strip. Still, had a lot of fun. Can’t wait to go back.

Marisol Medina and Rick Carmody

Nate was pretty wasted.

Marisol Medina and Rick Carmody

Paige and Nate backstage at The Comedy Store

Marisol Medina and Rick Carmody Comedy Store

Bathrooms are great for pictures

Trying This Word Press Thing

Posted in Uncategorized on March 1, 2010 by metalaxis

So I’ve taken Chandra’s advice and started up a blog on Word Press. It was getting really tough to blog on my website. Chandra says it’s cause my website is too messy, but she doesn’t know anything about websites. But I’m really excited. I think it’s gonna be faster, which will give me time to do other things like pay my rent.

Recessionary Times Means No Cocaine

Posted in Uncategorized on January 11, 2010 by metalaxis

So thanks to real estate, banks, and marketplaces I can’t get good cocaine anymore. I’m sure I could buy it, but I’ve never been able to afford it anyway. I know the recession hit some people pretty hard. Especially people in the music industry. I went backstage at the House of Blues Saturday night to see if I could meet Cowboy Mouth. I figure House of Blues has some pretty well known bands so they would know how to party, but all they had was liquor. I mean, that’s okay and all, but after going through the hassle of sneaking into the show, telling security that my water broke so I needed to go to the bathroom backstage, and then figuring out who Cowboy Mouth was so I could say, “Hi,” and get them to sign my chest, I thought for sure someone would have cocaine. Sadly things are worse than I thought. So I just got loaded on Budweiser and Jack. Not much else was going on except people talking, so I hung out back with some guy who does lights for the Hollywood Bowl. He said he could try and get me in to see Steel Panther tonight. They sound cool.

What Happened?

Posted in Uncategorized on December 30, 2009 by metalaxis

So I haven’t been online ’cause I lost my internet connection. I tried to make a deal with Lydia, some woman who picked up the phone when I called Time Warner. I told her I could design Time Warner’s website if she’d let me keep my cable. She told me she wanted my money more. I told her that’s dumb, ’cause I don’t have any money and mom didn’t send me any cash again for Christmas, so she won’t get any money from me. Anyway, I lost my internet. I ended up getting a holiday job through at Walgreens. I didn’t know they had holiday jobs there, but after a week my boss told me that’s what I had. Jobs should last more than one week. After I pay my rent I’m gonna send Ronnie James Dio a get well card. Get better Ronnie! Rock it in the New Year!

Tiger the Tiger

Posted in Uncategorized on December 9, 2009 by metalaxis

Wow. I hear golf groupies are it now! I’m glad Tiger Woods is changing the way people look at sports groupies. I’m sure they work hard too. Still, he’s got a ways to go before he can make golf into a bad boy sport. That’s the only way he’s gonna get real groupies. Still, I’d never wanna be a sports slave. Athletes always have to be people that not fun people look up to. Like products like Wheaties have to want you. Who wants to brag that they seduced a Wheaties star? Tiger’s gonna have to work hard to change that. The car smashing thing was okay, but you could just like get a hotel room and smash it up with golf clubs or something. It’s also best if you get wasted before you do that. Then stand by a window with your shirt off and like scrub your nose 5 times. If you need, I think my friend Sandy lives nearby. She could actually make a polo shirt look cool. Good luck Tiger. Wow, even his name shows signs of potential.

Tiger Woods as David Lee Roth

Tiger Woods if he was in the right scene.


Posted in Uncategorized on November 30, 2009 by metalaxis

Hung out with Chandra on Thanksgiving. I picked up some turkey from Boston Market and then Chandra baked some tv dinners for sides. It was pretty good. Chandra’s mom called. She’s still not giving thanks that her daughter owns a record store. But she still gives thanks that I’m around. She tells me that if Chandra ever finds a man, it’ll be because of me. She says Chandra always looks great next to me. Thanks Mrs. Bishop! My mom never called. Still waiting. She must be really busy. I hear Scorpions are crazy on tour.


Posted in Uncategorized on November 16, 2009 by metalaxis



Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Looked in my email and found out that the Crüe is gonna be playing in Canada! Their tour starts January 23, 2010! Oh my God. The Crüe told their fans that they’ll be “bringing it loud and hard.” I better work out! I’m gonna start doing some laundry so I can start hitchhiking to Canada next month.

Lecture Series – Part 2

Posted in Uncategorized on November 15, 2009 by metalaxis

The second Lifestyle Extension course I gave on HOW TO PARTY CORRECTLY went really really really well on Saturday at the ACME Theater. Almost too well. I was seriously hungover all day today. I don’t know how many more of these classes I can give. But it’s important for people to learn how to do body shots correctly if LA’s gonna become a hotbed of party again. I’m going back to my hashbrowns now.